Fifty shades of grey novel pdf in hindi


50 Shades Of Grey Pdf Free Download In Hindi. Reads 0 Votes 1 Part Story. guiswitressmand By guiswitressmand Ongoing - Updated Dec 22, Fifty Shades Of Grey (फिफ्टी शेड्स ऑफ ग्रे) in Hindi by E. L. James - Download ebook on Dailyhunt. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the US Congress Library. E L James is currently working on the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey and a.

Language:English, Spanish, Indonesian
Genre:Politics & Laws
Published (Last):20.03.2016
Distribution:Free* [*Registration Required]
Uploaded by: ARLYNE

58116 downloads 182130 Views 25.45MB PDF Size Report

Fifty Shades Of Grey Novel Pdf In Hindi

Read "Fifty Shades Trilogy: Fifty Shades of Grey / Fifty Shades Darker / Fifty Shades Freed" by E L James with Rakuten Kobo. All three books in the. download Fifty Shades Freed (Hindi): Read 8 Kindle Store Reviews - Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, Book 1). E L James · out of 5 stars 73, Vintage and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades. Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed are works of fiction.

Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Other editions. Enlarge cover. Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem?

Spoilers The synopsis below may give away important plot points. They are both on the cusp of graduating from WSU, where Kate is a journalist for the college paper. She is scheduled to interview the "enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc," Christian Grey, who is a benefactor of the university and will hand out the diplomas at graduation. However, she comes down with the flu and gets Ana to go to Seattle to do the interview in her place.

Ana reluctantly heads to Seattle to conduct the interview and is caught off guard when she comes face-to-face with the handsome year-old billionaire CEO. The interview is rather awkward with Ana being rather nervous and Christian being very intense and arrogant with his responses. We learn a few things about Christian: He is a control freak, and he is adopted, and he is not gay apparently many people think he is because he is never seen with women despite his good looks and status. He even turns the tables and starts asking Ana questions about herself, and we get a slight sense of a flirty attraction between the two.

The interview ends, and Christian sees Ana out to the elevators where they part ways. Ana feels embarrassed and foolish in the way she conducted the interview, and she is also rather smitten with Christian but ignores her feelings. We meet Ana and Kate's friend, Jose Rodriguez, who is a photographer and has a crush on Ana though she is not interested in him in that way at all.

Later in the week, Ana goes to her part-time job at a hardware store called Clayton's and is surprised when Christian walks in. He says he is in town on business and needs a few things cable ties, duct tape, rope, etc.

They exchange some friendly banter, yet Ana tries to remain professional despite being totally disarmed by Christian. Paul, the son of the owner of Clayton's, comes into the store and gives Ana a rather intense hug which immediately puts Christian off. Paul retreats and Christian and Ana discuss doing a photo shoot for Kate's article the next day. Christian gives Ana his business card and tells Ana he is glad Kate wasn't able to make the interview.

Ana finally accepts that she "likes" Christian, but knows that it's a "lost cause" because of who he is. The photo shoot goes well, and Christian asks Ana to go for coffee with him afterwards. Kate and Jose are not happy about this turn of events, and Kate even feels that there's something "dangerous" about Christian and that Ana is too "innocent" to start anything with him.

During their coffee date, Christian and Ana get to know each other a little more personally. He talks about his mother Grace a doctor , father Carrick a lawyer , older brother Elliot construction worker , and little sister Mia studying cooking in Paris.

Ana talks a little about her mother Carla living with husband 4 in Georgia and her step-father Ray lives in Montesano, her birth father died when she was young. Christian also inquires about her romantic life, asking if she is interested in either Jose or Paul, to which she declines. Ana asks Christian if he has a girlfriend to which he replies, "I don't do the girlfriend thing. They embrace, and she tries to kiss him, but he refuses her and warns her to stay away from him and that he is not the right guy for her.

They part ways and Ana is very hurt and tells herself that she will not be seeing him again. After final exams are over, Ana and Kate plan to celebrate that night at a bar. Unexpectedly, Ana receives a package from Christian: first-edition copies of Tess of the d'Urbervilles worth thousands of dollars. She wonders why he would send her such an expensive gift despite rejecting her. That night at the bar, Ana gets very drunk and calls Christian asking why he bought her those books.

He is very surprised to hear from her, and is worried about her drunken state. She drunkenly insists on knowing his motives for sending the books while he insists on knowing exactly where she is. She vaguely tells him her location and hangs up, only to have him call back and say that he's coming to get her.

Feeling sick, she goes outside with Jose, who makes a pass at her. She refuses him, and Christian arrives to break up the situation. Ana proceeds to throw up in a flower bed while Christian holds her hair back, and Jose retreats back into the bar.

Christian insists on taking Ana home but makes her drink some water first. Elliot, who came with Christian, is dancing and flirting with Kate. Christian leads Ana to the dance floor, but she passes out. Ana wakes up in Christian's hotel room at the Heathman.

Christian lets her know that they did not have sex, but he did undress her and sent her clothes to be cleaned because they were splattered with vomit. She showers and they discuss the events of the previous night her drinking, Jose's advances, the expensive books, etc.

He sent her the books as an apology, and because he can't seem to stay away from her despite not wanting a romantic relationship. They discuss her future plans to apply for internships and move to Seattle after graduation. She tries to tempt him to touch her, but he clearly states that he won't until he has her "written consent" and offers to take her to Seattle to his apartment to show her what he means by that. Extremely intrigued, Ana accepts. After breakfast, they leave the hotel, but not before sharing a passionate kiss in the elevator.

Christian takes her home and says he will pick her up later that evening. At home, Ana tells Kate who spent the night with Elliot how things seem to be moving along with Christian. She goes to work at Clayton's and discovers Jose has been trying to contact her, but she decides to let him "stew" for a while.

Christian picks her up after work, and they take his private helicopter, Charlie Tango, to Seattle. She signs and asks if Christian is going to "make love" to her, and he says he doesn't make love, he "fucks. She insists on seeing what's inside the room, so they go inside to find that it is filled with all kinds of sex toys and bondage equipment. If she agrees to this, there are rules she must follow, and she will surrender herself to him "in all ways.

Ana is taken aback by all of this; however she doesn't leave. They leave the room and discuss things further, with Christian being very business-like about everything and urging her to ask questions knowing it's a lot for her to take in. The paperwork also explains "hard limits," or things that are not negotiable such as sexual acts involving children or animals, fire, breath control, etc. Ana reveals that she is a virgin, which shocks Christian. He feels foolish and just "assumed" she's been with men because she is so beautiful.

He takes her to his bedroom to deflower her and "make love" by having "vanilla sex" sex without toys or anything kinky.

She has her first orgasm while he is only playing with her nipples. He has sex with her twice missionary position and doggie-style , and she thoroughly enjoys every second of it.

After a short sleep, Ana finds Christian playing a sad song on his piano. He says he can't sleep because he isn't used to sleeping with anyone else. They go back to his bedroom and fall asleep together.

In the morning, Ana fixes breakfast for herself and Christian while thinking about everything that has happened.

Fifty Shades of Grey () - Plot Summary - IMDb

Christian joins her and urges her to eat all of her breakfast he's obsessed with Ana eating full meals all the time. She speaks to Kate on the phone who tries to get details out of her about her night with Christian, but she is coy about it and hangs up.

She asks Christian if it is okay for her to discuss their sex life with Kate despite signing the NDA; however she will not mention his Red Room of Pain her nickname for the playroom of sex toys and bondage.

He says he doesn't want her to because Elliot and Kate are sleeping together, and his family knows nothing about his bondage lifestyle.

He also reveals that he's never had vanilla sex before and that he actually enjoyed it. They take a bath together and fool around some more. She gives him a blow job unbelievably, an amazing one despite it being her first time doing that , and he goes down on her and has sex with her while her hands are tied together with one of his neck ties the gray one that's on the cover of the book. Suddenly they hear voices outside the room, one of which turns out to be Christian's mother.

After throwing some clothes on, they go into the living room where Christian happily introduces Grace to Ana. Grace is glad to meet her and comments on not seeing Christian for 2 weeks, and she misses him. After a brief exchange, Grace leaves, and Christian takes a business call. Ana notices Jose has called her again, much to Christian's dismay.

They leave in his Audi R8 Spyder to go back to Portland. Christian reveals he was seduced by his mother's friend when he was 15 years old and was her submissive for 6 years. They are still good friends to this day, and his mother has no idea about any of it. Ana is disgusted that Christian was sexually abused as a teen, but he doesn't see it that way. His relationships with his past subs dissolved due to "incompatibility" and he feels that he and Ana are very compatible and urges her to do the research in hopes that she will sign the contact and be his.

Ana seems to have some reservations about the whole thing, but Christian's allure keeps her intrigued. Christian takes Ana home, and they agree to see each other again on Wednesday.

Kate is eager to know the details about Ana's first sexual experience. Ana admits she's unsure about their future as a couple saying that Christian is "complicated. Jose calls Ana and apologizes for making a pass at her, but expresses his disdain about her seeing Christian. She promises to have coffee with him sometime soon, and they hang up. Kate and Ana pack up much of their apartment, and Ana thinks about her situation with Christian, and if she wants to pursue a sexual relationship with him.

After much avoidance, she gets out the contract and reads it. The contract is extremely business-like and outlines all the rules that Ana must obey, all the sexual acts that they may engage in which may be negotiated , and exactly what is expected by both the Dom and the Sub.

The Dom will financially provide for everything and make sure the Sub is in good emotional and physical condition, and in return, the Sub will submit to every need and want the Dom has. Breaking any of the rules will result in punishment of the Dom's choosing, such as whipping or spanking.

Ana tries to take it all in, still having major reservations about the whole idea of being Christian's "sex slave," but part of her finds the whole prospect thrilling and very hot. She goes to sleep dreaming of Christian. The next day, Christian sends a brand-new MacBook Pro to Ana, and also equips her with an email address so he can contact her.

They send a few emails back and forth discussing their future date on Wednesday and questions about the contract. Ana goes to work at Clayton's and gets coffee with Jose on her lunch break. She forgives him for making a pass at her, and they are friends again. The next day, Ana decides to go for a run and think some more about the contract. As a joke, Ana emails Christian that she's "seen enough" and that "it was nice knowing you," but regrets sending it worried that Christian won't see it as a joke at all.

Turns out she's right, as he shows up in her bedroom not long after claiming that her email required an in-person response to remind her just how "nice" it was to know him. He ties her to her bed with the same gray necktie again and blindfolds her with his t-shirt. After some foreplay with wine and ice, they have sex. Afterwards, they discuss his "indecent proposal" and he discloses that he was "collared" when he was a submissive to "Mrs. Robinson" this is a nickname Ana gives to the woman that dominated Christian years ago, obviously a reference to "The Graduate".

He offers to introduce her to some of his former submissive, but she immediately refuses and is put off by the notion. He accuses her of being jealous, which upsets her and she asks him to leave. He gives her a passionate and romantic kiss before leaving and says to Ana "What are you doing to me?

Kate comforts her and says that he seems to have commitment issues. She also informs Ana that her dad called while she was with Christian to tell her that her mother can't make graduation because her husband, Bob, has a minor injury.

Ana emails Christian her comments and concerns about the contract, including the following: why can't she masturbate, why can't she touch him, she's not on board with being "punished" physically, she refuses to eat from a "food list" he has provided, etc.

After some emails back and forth, she goes to bed feeling troubled. The next day, Ana calls her mom to discuss Bob and how she won't be able to see Ana graduate, which Ana is okay with. She and Christian email back and forth some more, with him confirming their date for 7pm the following day which he will pick her up for. She insists on driving herself and meeting at Escala, to which he reluctantly obliges.

Ana calls her step-father, Ray, and realizes how much she can't wait to see him at her graduation because he's always treated her like his real daughter and they have a special bond. Ana and Kate pack up their apartment some more and go to bed. The next day, Paul shows up at Clayton's during her shift and asks her on a date.

She refuses him and makes it clear that she is seeing Christian Grey, much to his disappointment. Later, she drives to Escala and meets up with Christian at the bar.

They sit in a private dining room and immediately get into a discussion about the contract. He tells her that she can walk away anytime she wants to, but once she goes, that's it. This pains her to hear. They eat oysters, and he compromises with her on several contract issues, assuring her that they will take it slow because he knows she is inexperienced.

They flirt, and she realizes that if she stays any longer, they will wind up having sex in the dining room. She gets up to leave, and he embraces her and pleads with her to spend the night with him, but she refuses which frustrates him.

The valet brings Ana's car around, and Christian is appalled that she is driving an old Beetle which he feels is very unsafe. She assures him that she's fine with it, and they part ways.

When she gets home, she reads an email from Christian saying that he hopes she will take him up on his offer because he really wants to make it work with her. She goes to sleep, once again, crying. Ana has an erotic dream about Christian involving a braided leather riding crop. She wakes up and vaguely tells Kate about her evening.

Close your eyes. Think about all the things Christian Grey does in the book. Not just those supposed sweet things, but really, everything. His condescension, his control, his insane jealousy, his threats Still turned on? The end of the book was absolutely hilarious, with Ana fleeing in emotional tumult because Christian can't give her what she needs love! And we're treated to her alternately being angry about the pain and humiliation she faced at Christian's hands, and chastising herself for being a failure and for being mean to Christian.

It really is classic abuse mentality. Yet I see her being touted by some as "strong and independent". It's this kind of ignorant trash that sets feminism back decades. This is not a book about BDSM, this is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate. It's a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn't even show her the faintest glimmer of respect.

It's about two attention-starved individuals with the emotional maturity of toilet paper convincing themselves that their relationship is 'like, the best thing ever, OMG'. It's trite, insulting, and dangerous. I fear for any impressionable young women who read this and think that this is how an ideal relationship should operate.

If nothing else, it should be issued as a guidebook to mothers around the world to show their daughters the kind of man to avoid at all costs.

This book does good men and indeed, all of humanity a disservice. They're thinking of turning it into a movie I can't Word Count: Abdulrehman Maqsood This review is amazing Apr 08, Apr 09, Oct 18, Steph Sinclair rated it did not like it Recommends it for: Absolutely no one. Now with whips and chains! Fifty Shades of Shit Haters, please exit stage left. I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck.

Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk download seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series. Recently I discovered one of my favorite publishers, Random House, has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statement: Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe the original fan fic are essentially the same thing.

The biggest difference being Edward and Bella's name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively. And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading, I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty.

I'd go through and give you examples myself, but other people have done it already here and here. So if you must read this book, do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online. You even get the second book too! I know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit, I'm allergic to all the bull shit. Do I really need to point this all out? Because it looks pretty obvious to me. The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same. They even say similar things the original characters say.

The whole "dazzle" line and Edward asking Bella to trust him. Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen. Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past.

Edward still stalks and controls Bella, only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of line. I struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn't figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one.

And then I figured it out. I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind. With a rusty nail. Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike, yelling obscenities at me. Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight. I stand corrected. If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this: Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids, high on ecstasy, in a dirty little corner.

A very dirty corner. With badly written sex. Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful but of course she doesn't know it , naive virgin, Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god, Christian Grey. Of course, sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can't seem to stay away from this incredibly, unremarkable girl.

There are a myriad of problems with this novel, many of which ironically can be found in Twilight. Never saw that one coming! However, Ana doesn't see it that way. She thinks of him as a broken person and it's her duty to fix him. Even when he says things like this: But not beyond anything you couldn't take. And please don't even bother to tell me that it's just BDSM. No, just fucking no. Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the "punishment" aspect of their relationship.

But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship. And that's what really gets me. I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight, because that is exactly what happens.

When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that "situation" before they could continue. Since when is your virginity a "situation?

Oh, no, because that is when we are introduced to Ana's two best friends. Everyone say hi to: Anna's inner goddess, who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her.

She's also quite annoying, doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related. Simmer down. Where did she come from exactly? Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chains?!

Ana's sub-conscious, who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating. When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian, well, her sub-conscious only has one thing to say, So after the "situation" is handled, Ana has to sign a "contract" agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won't do.

It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing. He exploits her, stalks her and abuses her! She cries after sex.

She is afraid of him being angry! Even when he is angry at something else, she thinks it's her. Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she's afraid to lose him. That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle! In fact, that's not even really "consent! His brow furrows, his eyes widening. He blinks twice. Not here. Not now. Please don't. No, excuse me. That's not right. Yes, the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading.

That is not sexy, that's foul. Whenever Ana thinks about leaving him, he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her literally and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance, forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb. They fight, they breakup. They kiss, they sex up. Dance, puppet. The writing is a shitty mess too. I mean, if I had to sit and read Ana saying "Holy, shit! I wanted to take my red pen and have at this "book" so badly. It was the little things like Ana's roommate saying over and over, "You never cry Ana," and what do we find Ana always doing?

I'm not sure where the hell the plot was. Didn't I mention this was a Twilight retelling? Why was I expecting a plot? And another example of poor writing: They used phrases that Americans don't use. And now I'm trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Why do so many women love this book? I get the appeal of the bondage even though it's not my usual cup of tea. Sounds exciting! Not so much. Fuck my life! Zero stars! Eh, I'm off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brain.

More reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. Jan 28, Kruti rated it did not like it Recommends it for: No one. In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey! I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not download this garbage.

I do not even know what overcame me to read it and I can only blame a momentary lack of judgment on my part. What baffles me is the scary fangirlgasm following this book. Doing some research, this book was originally posted online as a twilight fanfic!

Yes, a twilight fanfic. And dubbing it a twilight fanfic and promoting it as such is no doubt raising the bar on the sale figures. What has the world come to? Everything you could possibly imagine is wrong with this book! The execution and the characters. And the writing.

And the plot wait, was there one?!? And it is arguably the most anti-feminist portrayal of any relationship. FSoG simply continues this unhealthy view and promotes an even more abusive and degrading relationship towards women, targeting older women and possibly even teenage girls who know no better.

Oh dear god, I hope teenage girls do not jump on this disturbing bandwagon. This is not something that should be promoted as desirable or idealistic. This book cheapens what feminists have fought for years! The two spend the rest of the romantic evening calmly discussing the contract that allows him to fuck her senseless.

The next 4 days, he gets to do exactly what he wants, he stalks her, abuses her and punishes her by spanking her several times. Atleast, she finally sees some sense and walks out. It reads more like a diary — he did this, I did this.

The constant repetitions are enough to make someone suicidal! The sex scenes were terrible and frankly a little disturbing to put down on paper — an incident with the tampon springs to mind. The characters are simply absurd in this book. AnaBella SteeleSwan Anastasia Steele irked me quite a lot and reading this book from her point of view was no picnic in the park.

I found nothing remotely interesting about her. I swear Kate was a much more interesting character and would have made a better female lead, but like the other few characters she was mentioned only for the sake of a story.

A real shame. Christian Grey…where do I begin? Kruti Subject: Your issues Date: April 18 And frankly, you are in need of much help. Perhaps, I can direct you to the nearest mental hospital? Or better yet, accompany you to the nearest police station? It's the least I can do. In response to your email, I think you have that the wrong way around, sir.

Laters, baby. Kruti On Apr 18, at That does not give him the right to exert control over her and abuse her. Hell NO! That's not BDSM. Okay children, let's explore the definition of BDSM: Don't tell me we have two consenting adults here.

No, Ana is just a child trapped in a woman's body. She has no true idea of what this lifestyle entails and is at most times in fear. If you're still not convinced about how unhealthy this relationship was, this probably will convince you.

To ensure he gets her to do what he wants, he manipulates her with promises of a relationship if she is willing to try his way of lifestyle. So in her mind, his need to control her and beat her is a form of therapy? That's not BDSM either. I have absolutely nothing more to add. I'm taking my inner goddess elsewhere and grabbing a good book. Honestly this is what I imagined Christian to be like.

If you have a facebook account, you should definitely visit this link. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space and precious, oh so very fucking precious braincells. Honestly, why is this even published? Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel.

Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about this 'book'. In fact, that's what this book sh Garbage. In fact, that's what this book should be called.

I know at least every one star reviewer has taken the title and created their own pun with it, but fuck it, I'm jumping on the bandwagon too. Before I decided to read this God help me , I kept seeing it everywhere I went, and the book store where I work was involved in the promotion among other book store chains. All me and my co-workers knew that it was smut, and a hell of a lot of it too. We even turned the book into a drinking game, and it goes as thus: Flip to a random page of the book.

If it's something dirty, take a drink. I do not recommend this game, for one could die from alcohol poisoning within the first round. But if you're feeling adventurous Glad I could be of service to your crazy party ideas. But anyway, let's cut to my opinion of this abomination of literature. I decided to read it because it sounded like garbage, and I haven't written a review about garbage in too long. I owed something to the people who actually found me worthwhile to follow on Goodreads.

So I decided hell, I'll review this. This is literally the worst book I have ever read, and I say that about many books.

But this is the worst book for a damn good reason. Let's talk about what I hated about this book. The bottom line is I hated absolutely everything. And I'm not saying that to be funny, I'm saying that out of all seriousness. I didn't find a single redeeming quality in this book.

With the Hush, hush series we at least had the unintentional hilarity and the awesomeness of Marcie. In Twilight we had that chick who wanted to kill Bella and Tyler's van. Fifty shades of Grey has no such redeeming qualities. The characters are bland and merely props to set the stage for fucking weird BDSM-ing, and the plot was lost somewhere in the vagina of the author's wet dream. Believe me, I feel weird for even typing these words.

Not to mention, even though everyone already knows this, this was originally a Twilight fan fiction called 'Master of the universe' or some shitty, stupid title like that. How did such a thing get published? What, Twilight wasn't horrible and abuse-glorifying enough, so we had to kick it up a notch with publishing 'Master of the universe'?

Are you people serious? Why is it that dumber and dumber things are getting published? Quality is almost non-existent. Fucking hell. But before I rant on for hours about that, let's talk about the characters.

Oh, I mean props. Yeah, props is more appropriate. Because the characters, for all the personality they had may as well have been props. Our first main prop is Ana, aka Bella Swan. The plain, virginal wallflower who thinks lowly of herself whilst everyone around her just seems to freaking worship her. She is also clumsy, reads books, has divorced parents, doesn't get along with her step-father, and is a brain dead moronic twat.

Fifty Shades of Grey

Remind you of anyone? I wonder who you're thinking of. That is a humdinger, isn't it? I'm amazed how many women are not pissed off with her complete lack of sense and self-respect.

She lets a man abuse her physically and emotionally, and allows him to satiate his ever-growing need to control her completely, passing it off as some cute obsessive habit.

And even if she has doubts and runs away, she comes running back to him only seconds after.

How are people not pissed off about this? Not to mention she has zero personality, zero brain-cells, and zero common sense. Her character serves no purpose other than becoming some abusive asshole's sex toy. And let's not forget our second main prop, Christian Grey, aka Edward Cullen, aka creepy-stalker-sociopathic-megalomaniacal-abusive-horrifying-asshole. The fact that he has fangirls in the real world has pretty much ruined my faith in mankind, and the new generation. Christian Gray pretty much pushes the limits that Edward Cullen, Patch, Daniel and others have yet to push due to their PG ratings, but fuck does Christian Grey push those fucking limits.

He physically abuses Ana, and it somehow gets excused on the account that she was briefly aroused by it. Fuck my life. He also decides what she should eat, what she should wear, how she should act, speak, communicate with him, where she can and can't go or what she can and can't do, threatens her constantly even with physical violence, and the list goes on.

I kid you not. He even has this set out as a contract which by the way is repeated at least 5 times in the fucking book. Here's another example of how romantic this mother fucker is: I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don't, I shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire.

Romantic as freaking Mel Gibson. And by the way, the women who find this guy romantic need some serious therapy. Harsh I know, but finding this guy romantic is like like excusing the actions of a child-molester because he has nice hair. This is not romantic. I don't know why they decided to plant this book in the general romance section. This goes way beyond the good ol' BDSM theme and just ends up treading into abusive territory. Christian takes these aspects into the relationship where he ends up not only controlling a woman sexually, but also emotionally, and deliberately moulding her into not just a sex partner, but an ideal of what he wants her to be and leaves her no room for her individuality and instead brands it as 'punishable'.

That's not part of the BDSM jig. I'm sorry, but it's not. Why people even call this romantic is beyond me. I already mentioned the abusive aspects of this so called relationship, but other than that it was a relationship built on air.

Since neither of the characters had any personality outside their sex drives, they had nothing that they saw in each other. They couldn't relate to each other, they didn't share any common interests, they didn't do any good for each other, outside the sexy stuff.

And at the end they want to pass it off as though the two are actually in love? Give me a break. Watching people get swooped at by magpies is more romantic that this garbage. The plot? There was no plot. Seriously, I could not find it.

I searched and searched but alas, my search has left me unrewarded. Let me explain in a quick paragraph how this book goes: Some guy is hot. Girl thinks some guy is hot. Hot some-guy shows up where girl who thinks some-guy is hot works. Hot some-guy asks out girl, takes her virginity.

Stuff happens. Hot some-guy introduces girl who thinks he's hot, by the way to his BDSM sex dungeon, and the next half of the book is spent pondering whether or not girl who thinks some-guy is hot, in case it wasn't mentioned enough in the book wants to indulge in hot some-guy's fantasies. Also the hot some-guy takes complete control over girl did I mention she thinks he's hot? More stuff happens. Girl gets spanked too hard, breaks up with hot some-guy. The end.

You might also like: 50 SHADES D EBOOK EPUB BUD

That's the whole book. And the whole 'Ohhh Christian has secrets' bullcrap in the blurb? The book is only about how some asshole wants to control some stupid girl. The other characters are barely relevant.

They were just more props whose only role was to be interested in the 'relationship' between Ana and Christian. They didn't seem to be interested in anything else. They could be buttering toast and thinking 'I wonder how hard Christian is fucking Ana right now.

The media might be promoting this tripe as the new hero of literature, but this is and always will be just another wart on the ass of literature, along with Twilight and all its' descendants. You know what they say, you can polish a turd, but it will still be a turd. Head's up: If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say, "You don't understand BDSM" I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer, plus the mouse, plus the keyboard, plus any other internet-connected devices in your home, including but not limited to iPhones, iPods, iPads, Androids, games consoles and ereaders.

This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties. Thus, by defending it as such, Head's up: Thus, by defending it as such, you are doing a disservice to the actual culture of BDSM no kinkshaming. So don't fuck with me and try to pull that shit. Oh, also, there will be a substantial amount of cussing throughout this review. If you care about the sanctity of your virgin eyes then shut down your computer and go do something else.

We are all grown-ass adults and this is the internet. If you're going to come over and here and lecture me about swearing then I'd advise that you PIPE the fuck down and stop being so bloody delicate. Alrighty, then. You guessed it, guys: When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to be an author. For years I'd chattered away about being an architect or a vet or what have you, but who was I kidding? All I ever wanted to do was write. So I sat down, and I did. I did write. I'm actually not shitting you.

I thought it would be as easy as sitting down and writing some crap on Wordpad alright, calm down, this was the noughties and I wrote a lot of crap: I tried to write a play , and then I tried poetry, and then I wrote short stories, before eventually expanding into novels. Novels is a stretch. I wrote about a hundred single-spaced pages and to my present-day horror, made my family read it. And they actually did. Remember all those embarrassingly awful school projects you did when you were thirteen?

Or even just those embarrassingly awful things you did in general when you were thirteen? I feel the same level of shame when I think of my little preteen self, handing this pile of shit over to my sister and thinking I actually had something. About a year later, with zero knowledge of how publishing works, I posted it straight into a bunch of indie publisher's slushpiles.

A vanity publisher replied to me and told me they didn't want my work, and I did the undoable: I argued with them. As I write this, I'm practically convulsing with embarrassment.

Vanity Publisher, if you're reading this, please forget I ever existed. But if you can't do that, at least give me an alias when you tell all your friends about that dumb kid who sent you the book about pyromania without having done any research. In some ways, having read this book, I finally feel like I identify with that vanity publisher: I read someone's irredeemable shit and hated it, but then they tried to defend it and I got so mad I broke a window with my face. Peeps, if you think E.

James hasn't tried to defend this shit, then you need to get on YouTube and watch some pleading vids from the publisher. I just I haven't read a book this awful since Revealing Eden but let's not open that can of worms. It was like an acid trip. Am I reading this, I thought? Is this actually a published book? Are people actually parting with money for this slab of steaming garbage?

I feel like this book insulted me, really. I feel like it spat in my face, because what reader-respecting author would create a protagonist this redundant and awe-inspiringly dense, expecting an audience to love and respect her?

It's as if someone took an ice-cream scoop and relieved Ana of her brain. How could you? Why would you? Why is she? I have no words. I have no words to explain this protagonist.

When she wakes up in his suite the next morning, pantsless by the way, she accuses Christian of stalking her. Pressing his suit! I glance up at Christian.

Fifty Shades of Grey

I try to bit my lip, but I fail to repress my giggle. You sound like a courtly knight. How she glosses over it all and makes a fucking joke about it is appalling.

It continues by the way. I was with Kate. A shrug is a dismissive gesture, just in case you were wondering. She downplays the severity of what happened. Why does she do this?

Guess what? And now the grand finale, victim shaming and blaming. She feels cruel for not returning the calls of the man that forced himself upon her? Well, of course she does. She's been trained to be gracious and polite. He's addressing her. Rule number one has taught her that she should smile in this situation so it would make sense that she feels bad for not doing so.

I was drunk…and you…well. Ana — please forgive me. Were there? Were breathing? Had tits? No one can ever make you do anything. Everything you do, every way you behave is a choice that you and you alone make.